Amy, by her mother

The school year was just beginning when I received an unexpected call from my daughter’s high school counselor. When I returned home that evening from the elementary school where I taught, I asked my daughter what she thought her counselor wanted to talk to me about. It was then that my daughter Amy gently sat me down at the kitchen table and told me she was pregnant.

I was both shocked and stunned. Amy is my youngest daughter, and she was just starting her senior year. I wasn’t angry. I knew at this difficult time in her life she didn’t need someone to be angry with her. I was concerned for her well-being, both emotionally and physically. She told me she thought she was five months pregnant. She had found out that she was expecting last May, but had decided not to tell anyone at that point. She had gone to a clinic to get pre-natal care, and they wanted to talk abortion to her, so she got up and left. Therefore, Amy had kept the unplanned pregnancy a secret all summer.

The next few days, weeks, and months were difficult for all of us. Amy knew she cared about her boyfriend Ryan, however she wasn’t ready for marriage and wasn’t sure if he was the person she wished to marry. Amy also wanted to go on to college. She checked at the local colleges to see if she could live in a type of housing with a baby, and she could. She talked to other young moms and discovered that it was very difficult to go to school, study, and take care of a baby. She also knew she would have to work a part time job to pay for the expenses of a child. We were willing to help with expenses of college and care, but we couldn’t pay for all of it because our two other daughters were also in college. It was at this point that Amy decided that she couldn’t offer the baby the quality of life that she truly wanted for her. Amy and Ryan started to consider adoption.

As a grandmother-to-be, their decision was very hard for me. I am a very family-oriented person. I love children—I’m an elementary teacher—and I was looking forward to having grandchildren. But I also had the wisdom to see that Amy couldn’t provide for her. After all, she was just seventeen and hadn’t even graduated from high school. As difficult as it was, I knew this had to be their decision and not mine.

I had great admiration for Amy’s courageous decision to give the baby life. In an era where many young girls choose abortion, Amy’s strength continued to amaze me. While experiencing a teen pregnancy, she still walked into that high school every day. Her classmates stopped calling, she stopped going to the football games and the Homecomings. She had decided to put all the high school “stuff” behind her so she could give this child life. I pray that Kathryn will understand that her birth mother did, in fact, love her very much.

Once the decision had been made, Amy and Ryan began to search for just the right family to adopt Kathryn. They interviewed many agencies and other families. The adoptive parents they finally chose had lost a child to cancer. Amy and I both felt that for this couple to be given another child would give them such joy. We knew she would be loved greatly. Still, Amy looked carefully at their home environment, and asked such questions as: Would they read to Kathryn every day? Would they provide her with the best educational background possible? Would they take her to the park? Bake cookies? Make snowmen? Take her to church? Play with her? Did they have secure careers? Would they have lots of time to rock her? Hold her? Care for her? As Amy learned more about them, she felt very content with her decision. So did I. This was a wonderful family. They were older, had the maturity and finances to raise a child, and had another daughter so that Kathryn wouldn’t be an only child. Also, the adoptive father had placed a daughter for adoption when he was in college, and this fact bound us closer.

Amy delivered Kathryn two days after Christmas. I was in the delivery room, and watched my first grandchild come into the world. I heard her first cries. I held her. She looked so much like my three daughters when they had been born. Shortly after her birth I received the news that my mother had died about the same time that Kathryn had been born. I didn’t think my heart could bear any more pain.

Kathryn’s adoptive parents came to the hospital. This was hard. However, we started to bond. We talked. They decided on her name, and gave her Amy’s middle name as her middle name. I could see the joy she was already bringing into their lives. We had a special ceremony together in the hospital chapel, and Kathryn went home with her adoptive parents. Amy and I came to our home and grieved. I slept for many days with the blanket that the hospital had wrapped Kathryn in.

Both Amy and I slowly got our lives back together after a long time of grieving. Although we grieved for our loss, we did have a strong sense of peace that the right decision for all had been made. God was with us. In fact, we sensed that it was more than a coincidence that Amy had found such a perfect family.

Our adoptive family sent letters and pictures each month. We found such comfort and joy in those. We could hear their love for Kathryn in their words, and the pictures showed us she was being very well taken care of. Those letters gave us such a sense of peace.

Amy is now going into her senior year in college, pursuing a career in elementary education. She and Ryan went in different directions, although they remain close friends. Amy has matured into a very loving, giving, mature young lady. I believe she has become a better person from all she went through and the decisions she made. I think difficult times and grief sometimes can change the way a person acts or thinks. It makes you stronger, more appreciative of others, less self-focused, more loving.

As for myself, I’m doing fine. I love getting pictures of Kathryn. I enjoy our visits together. I will always consider her my granddaughter, and I dream of us sitting down together some day for a cup of tea. However, until that time, we also need to remember that Amy not only chose life for Kathryn—she chose the best life.